My Testimony
In 1983, in Houston, Texas, I was 15 years
old in the 10th grade in high school. After being forced into sexual intercourse
with my boyfriend, I realized after a few weeks that I became pregnant. The
boyfriend and I had already broken up from the relationship.
I went to Planned Parenthood to get a 'free'
pregnancy test to confirm that I was pregnant. They told me that at this stage
of only 5 weeks of pregnancy, 'it' was only a blob of tissue. They also
suggested that I could have an abortion, since I was so young and still in
school.
After speaking with my sister and several
friends at school, I decided to have an abortion, since everybody told me that
it was really 'no big deal, people do it all the time, especially since you're
still in school'. I was thinking how terrible it would be to try to go to school
pregnant, like others I had seen.
I was covered with shame and guilt, even
before the abortion took place. When I told my ex boyfriend that I was pregnant
and needed money for an abortion, he denied that he was the father, which
deepened my shame.
Around Oct. 1983, my Mom and sister took me
to an abortion facility - my Mom had overheard me talking on the phone to my
sister about being pregnant. My Mom, like me, knew absolutely nothing of what an
abortion actually did to a baby or the woman.
Emotionally, I spiraled into a very
destructive behavior of drugs, alcohol and promiscuous sex almost immediately
following the abortion. I was completely spiritually void, rebelling against my
Christian upbringing. I also became emotionally numb, with not much regard for
living at all. As I was going through the motions, trying to fill this huge void
within me, I attached myself to an abusive relationship less than a year after
the abortion.
My Dad was an evangelist, so I was too
fearful to ever tell him about the abortion, until almost 20 years later. When I
told him, he was devastated that he had lost a grandchild. I married the man
that was already abusing me, as a result of extremely low self esteem. I
attempted suicide as a result of recurring depression.
The abortion ruined all chances of having
children. I suffered 5 miscarriages during my marriage of 18 years, which
resulted in divorce. Three of these miscarriages were tubal pregnancies,
requiring emergency surgery and very near death experiences. I so wanted an
'atonement' baby to make up for the one I killed.
Abortion was the most selfish decision I
ever made in my whole life. It affected everyone in my life and caused
devastation to my mind, soul and body.
There is healing for broken hearts and lives
after abortion, through the love and forgiveness of Jesus Christ. His work at
the cross of Calvary removes all shame, bitterness, self hatred and sin, if we
only believe and receive Him in our hearts.
I pray that anyone reading this testimony,
that is considering abortion for their self
or someone else, would consider seeking
help through a pregnancy care center
that will share the truth in love about
all of your options by calling:
CareNet
1-800-345-HELP
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I pray also that anyone reading this
testimony that has suffered the experiences
of abortion for yourself or a loved one
would seek immediate help by calling:
The National
Helpline for Abortion Recovery
